Self Help is one of my favourite genres, so naturally, I started The Subtle Art of Not Giving a “Bleep”, by Mark Mason a few months ago. Life, as it usually does, got really busy. I put this book back on the shelf halfway through and recently picked it up again. Here is what I think of this counter-intuitive approach to living a good life.

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The author lays out simple instructions; don’t try too hard, happiness or the seeking to understand happiness is the problem, and we are not inherently special. He details the value in suffering; the importance of failure, and saying no. And of course, the fact that we are always wrong, about pretty much everything. Reading through these chapters, I did not find his advice to be truly groundbreaking. The above are things most people already know, but with the business of every day, we often forget.

I always give books the benefit of the doubt. With books like these people write from their own experience and I truly do like the way this book is set up. You can truly hear the author speaking through every word. And if you don’t mind the occasional colourful language then maybe you might even enjoy it. I did enjoy a lot of the stories and examples that Mark had in this book. Quotes from authors, stories about historical persons’ lives which I felt were very compelling in expanding his chapter themes. I even felt the urge to (and did eventually) pull out my ThoughtBack App and write a few lines down.

It truly was not until the last chapter that I truly related to the book. I try not to go too into the inns and outs of the books I review just in case anyone out there is looking to read them and don’t enjoy spoilers. So I’ll try to explain without giving too much away. In the last chapter, Mark talks about the reality of mortality. He shares the story of losing his close friend, and how this moment shaped the way he viewed life. I think about my own experience with death. Two years ago, I lost my father to cancer and had my own share of emotions and epiphanies.

A part of what holds us back from living life to the fullest is the fear of life itself. We are afraid of stepping outside of the box so we stay in our comfort zone. We fear we are inadequate and can’t measure up to those around us so we back down. We fear failing, publicly at that, especially these days when one small moment of embarrassment is immortalized by the snap of a picture, so we never try. We are scared of losing someone close to us; going through that heartbreak so we don’t let anyone in. Even more, we are afraid of death so we stay away from what is invigorating, bold, or challenging.

Those are normal fears we all have but surprisingly it is not what truly holds us back. What truly holds us back is the truth that underneath all of our flaws, and fears, worries, and such, we are incredible, exceptional beings. We are afraid of success because most of us have never been there. We are afraid of death because we are afraid of life. Living it to the fullest, or whatever that means.

My dad never truly lived his life the way he wanted. He lived according to the rules and expectations his parents laid out before him. He gave a lot to those around him more than to himself. Whenever a friend was in need he’d rush to their aid, he gave the best advice to his friends (it’s debatable whether he took his own advice or not). He was comfortable in his own home so he never went anywhere exciting. What if it wasn’t what he’d hoped it would be? What if it was? My dad passed away 2 months from retiring without getting to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Don’t be so tossed up with the little things in life now. Caring about everything, always, all at once can be toxic and exhausting. I’ve done it, heck I still do it every now and then, like when I put down this book because life got too time-consuming to enjoy the tiny pleasure of reading a book. As Mark says, we choose every day what we give a f*** about. Who we talk to, what we see, what trends in fast fashion we adopt, and which ones we pay no mind to. What stories do we read in the News (let’s be honest - Twitter), which Buzzfeed videos do we watch on Youtube. We are constantly deciding what is important to us.

The premise here of Mark’s approach to living a good life is in the things we choose to give a f*** about. A close friend of mine once told me, (not in these exact words but something close), if something is bothering you and has you all worked up, ask yourself if it’s going to matter 5 years from now. If not, then it’s not worth the effort of worrying about it. If yes, create a plan, and execute it. Whatever will get you from point A to C, leaving all of the “But’s” between.

Overall

I really don’t feel like you’re going to learn something mind-blowing from this book. I said it, that is my honest opinion, don’t @ me. But if you’re looking for a self help book to remind you that there is more to life than worrying about the little things in life, then you may want to read this book.